Question: Last Thursday, Aug 5th, 2010 I had a baby girl at 22 weeks and 6 days. Aubrei seemed to be a perfect healthy baby, but my body would not keep her in. I was on strict bed rest in the hospital for 12 days. I never got up, not once during those 12 days. Then on August 5th all day I had contractions, and a lot of bleeding, and when they checked me they could feel her whole little body, but she was alive! I then all of a sudden got a really bad infection and they had to induce my labor. I was so scared, yet I thought she was going to make it. Her eyes were still fused shut when she came out. There was nothing they could do for her. When they realized that, I held her for HOURS. But I feel it is my fault, my fault that my body made her come out, when she was so perfectly healthy, and all I do is cry and cry. At her memorial I was left with a teddy bear, and now I take it with me everywhere. It’s like the teddy bear represents Aubrei now, and I never want to let it go. I don’t know if how I am taking this is normal. What do you think?


Response:
What a traumatizing birth you have been through. This will take some time to do your "grief work". Crying is good, acceptable and a great tribute to your daughter. You did nothing wrong--you must believe that. Aubrei's death was out of your control. Remember everything about her that you can. She was with you growing for many months, and I am sure you have some wonderful memories. Nothing can take those away from you. Carry the teddy bear--that is ok. Eventually you may want to find a special place to keep the teddy bear, but for now it is comforting--and that is what you need. Overtime you will look for a lessening of frequency and intensity of these grief behaviors. Then, you will know you are getting better.