Looking Towards The Holidays

Question:
I am having a hard time thinking of the upcoming holidays. My infant son died last April and I still can't seem to move beyond major grief. Suggestions?

Response:
You are not alone. Everyone that has had a recent death of a loved one does not look forward to the holidays. Things will be different this year, please accept that. And, keep in mind the death of a child is worse because the holidays (especially Christmas) are for children. On the other hand, you can do this. With the support of family and friends and the wonderful memories of your son (though painful) you can take this journey. Here are some suggestions for this time of year.

Decide what you can and can not do this holiday and let family and friends know. Maybe someone else will have to do dinner.

Talk about your son. Make him a part of everything.

Examine your priorities and do not be afraid to make changes.

Do something for someone else in memory and honor of your son.

Get plenty of rest.

Light a candle everyday during the holidays in memory and honor of your son. Also, hang something on the tree to remember him. Or, fix his favorite food and after dinner tell your favorite stories of him.

Allow yourself to express feelings and keep in mind feelings come and go--you will probably enjoy some of the holiday season and that is ok--you should not feel guilty if you do.